February--March
God ... I am sick. I
feel pain in my heart when rejection every single time. SHe is causing me a lot
of heartache. I wish my heart would stop
hurting, it utterly aches.. the painful of rejection.
This is not narrative about affection tale. I thought i wasn’t
gullible teenager. I wasn’t unstable teenager. You deceived me. Then I was
gullible. I used to it. You got me.
Whatever you had done which couldn’t me influenced. Whatever
you had wanted before you swore to me. The sacred swearing. I am your resposibility
and vice versa. We are on responsibility. Then i asked you a promise
You had promised me that you wanted to change. You made me
promised that you would be doing it. The first has been just a tiny question mark that asked for. Next up,
alluded. After that, admonishment and no reminded. Untill I’ve hushed without
query all those up. I’ve been quite for unpredictable time.
After my life goal was bearing. I was stunned. “may be it’s time to ameliorat” this reminds
me of thing. The quote. “our spouse is our reflection” I remember it. But the
mirror reflects the exchange. Am i as ramshackle as him? BIG NO. Let’s
transform. Let’s do it.
The first action didnt work at all. On the contrary, I felt
pain impression. It is hurt. Extremely
hurt. When I asked, nope the answer. Then, my deed particularly dreadful. I
don’t fullfill my duty and neither SHE. Habluminallah habluminannas. Go away if you saturated with the
demand. You’ll get the fresh air, hopefully.
Then, something worst happened. SHe got the fresh air. Fresh
air from the other air. Almost a month SHE unconcerned to me. If i came forward,
he got back. If i incited to chat, just simple statement glided on his mouth.
It’s extremely hurt.
One afternoon, i knew it. I knew about his distinction. God
is shown to me. God still care about me. I attempted to calming down. And ya...
we were fine obviously. SHe opened one by one. Firstly, She didn’t want to tell
anything. SHe wanted follow the streaming. But i cut it down. Back to my words.
I wanted a certainty, not uncertainty. After that, She said (may be) almost
everything.
I got two clarification. I got two verification. Starting
from (S) her... i chatted then i called (S) her. In the beginning she felt doubtfull
untill the last she said yes i moved back. “If you move back, please do
something which show you convince me. And i request it”
